Noir

There goes the clock again
Gently reminding me it is past bedtime
But it isn’t me that needs rest
The time, the ticking, the echos
Must stop
The clock needs rest

Transitory

I found the daughter standing inside her father’s room one last time. The room was vacant and had already been completely cleaned out since her father had passed away over night. Earlier that day, two very eager women approached the nurses’ desk  to tell us that while visiting another patient on the floor, they had learned by word of mouth I presume, that an old friend of theirs also resided in the facility and they expressed so much enthusiasm to reunite with their long lost friend. I started counting on my fingers, 10 hours. They were 10 hours too late. Ah, to be faced with the prospect of death on first day of Ramadan, the holy month of fasting, humility, and spiritual cleansing, what a gentle reminder that was.

Then on the first day of Eid, one of my favorite patients passed away as I was leaving for the day. I will not share the irony of her passing or the details of her life but I do regret not holding her hand longer when she squeezed my hand tightly as I got up to leave. “She still has so much will to live, she’s a fighter”, I said to the other nurse as I was packing my things to head out the door. She passed a few minutes after.

I had no intention of sharing this post but something kept tugging at me to publish it. I do not seek empathy nor praise. In fact, I forced myself to write this out to whatever capacity I could as a reminder of how transitory life can be. One moment you can walk with so much conviction and the next, you shatter. It is as though I lived through a year’s worth of experiences in a month. I cried nearly everyday out of sheer exhaustion but I relished every moment spent in prayer and felt the magnanimity of my Lord when my head touched the ground in prostration. It was not a dreary Eid, no. The cup of coffee at the start of my shift was so sacred I couldn’t help but praise my Lord and when I spent the rest of the night aloof in a dark room, it rained suddenly and violently with a breeze so tender. The timing of everything was exquisite because only Allah knows how I adore rainy nights. In that moment I recognized that my day was truly blessed. This is where I want to be. This is how I want to live, in rememberance of my Creator, in service of the world and the best of creations.

Two Feet to Stand

Most times, you don’t need a vacation, or book, or a transformation to find what you need. Even grand optimism will fail at some point. There will come a time when absolutely nothing can inspire you and you will only have yourself to dig your way out of the rut. You are your greatest asset. You were created to stand.

Direction

More often than not the answers we seek are so laughably simple but difficult to accept. So instead of confrontation, we seek further, delve deeper then wonder why we’re so lost.

Wishes Of The Dying

It is almost impossible to look at an old man or woman and not wonder what they were like when they were children, teenagers, young adults; I’ve always believed they are just as valuable to society as a newborn child. And I cannot tell you what an honor it is to take care of people who have lived through war, multiple heartbreaks, marriages, divorces, careers. These people have been through it all, they are living miracles, survivors of a life filled with hardship. What an honor to see the progression of the human cycle. The most transformative experiences in nursing school were my interactions with the elderly. I’ve always had a soft spot for this particular age group because they house so much wisdom, humor, and dignity.

As the new year rolls in and everyone scrambles to renew their yearly resolutions. I’d like to share with you the things I’ve read and heard repeadly by the elderly in hopes that we can all learn to lead better lives. Here are a few of the most common regrets of the elderly and the dying, and perhaps a change of perspective.

10 Things

1. Make time to go to the places you want to go to, whether it be the bookstore, park, or a different state.
2. You’re not meant to like everyone. People are unique, different. But tolerance is key.
3. Don’t forget to check on up on them frequently- loved ones, friends, acquaintances. Let them know you think of them.
4. No amount of worry or regret will alter your past. Leave your past where it belongs.
5. Everyday should be a celebration of health and happiness- a celebration of yesterday’s mistakes and today’s chances.
6. Try not to focus too much on why the circumstances are the way they are, rather, focus on how to adjust and cope with whatever you’ve been handed.
7. Remember that people are trying to do the best they can with what they have but it doesn’t always mean they’re going to make the right choices.
8. People want to be happy, loved, and feel safe. So be kind, speak softly, buy them gifts.
9. Don’t expect the world to reciprocate your favors. Serve people for the love of serving.
10. Those hardest to love need it most, be patient with them and most importantly, with yourself.