Transitory

I found the daughter standing inside her father’s room one last time. The room was vacant and had already been completely cleaned out since her father had passed away over night. Earlier that day, two very eager women approached the nurses’ desk  to tell us that while visiting another patient on the floor, they had learned by word of mouth I presume, that an old friend of theirs also resided in the facility and they expressed so much enthusiasm to reunite with their long lost friend. I started counting on my fingers, 10 hours. They were 10 hours too late. Ah, to be faced with the prospect of death on first day of Ramadan, the holy month of fasting, humility, and spiritual cleansing, what a gentle reminder that was.

Then on the first day of Eid, one of my favorite patients passed away as I was leaving for the day. I will not share the irony of her passing or the details of her life but I do regret not holding her hand longer when she squeezed my hand tightly as I got up to leave. “She still has so much will to live, she’s a fighter”, I said to the other nurse as I was packing my things to head out the door. She passed a few minutes after.

I had no intention of sharing this post but something kept tugging at me to publish it. I do not seek empathy nor praise. In fact, I forced myself to write this out to whatever capacity I could as a reminder of how transitory life can be. One moment you can walk with so much conviction and the next, you shatter. It is as though I lived through a year’s worth of experiences in a month. I cried nearly everyday out of sheer exhaustion but I relished every moment spent in prayer and felt the magnanimity of my Lord when my head touched the ground in prostration. It was not a dreary Eid, no. The cup of coffee at the start of my shift was so sacred I couldn’t help but praise my Lord and when I spent the rest of the night aloof in a dark room, it rained suddenly and violently with a breeze so tender. The timing of everything was exquisite because only Allah knows how I adore rainy nights. In that moment I recognized that my day was truly blessed. This is where I want to be. This is how I want to live, in rememberance of my Creator, in service of the world and the best of creations.